That’s the quandary pitched to Dear Abby in a letter from a worried bride who doesn’t know what to do about a somewhat sticky situation.
It’s led to a very memorable answer.
“My fiancé and I are getting married in a year,” writes Bride For Marriage Equality: “MThe question from “Bride for Marriage Equality”:
We have some very close gay friends, and I have gay family members on my mom’s side. The majority of our family is gay-friendly, but a few of them on my father’s side are very open about their dislike of the LGBT community.
Our ceremony will be at a Unitarian Universalist church because we love that they are supportive of the LGBT community and want everyone to feel comfortable and accepted on our big day. I’m terrified that my family members will do or say something to hurt or offend guests at our wedding who have same-sex partners.
I am considering putting a note on my wedding website that our wedding will be a celebration of love, and to please set aside political and personal beliefs and accept every one of our guests during this happy occasion.
Would this be appropriate? I don’t know how else to convey the message that we will not tolerate any hateful or offensive remarks or actions against our loved ones.
Abby, much to her credit, is having none of it:
“Do not post that message on your website,” she writes.
Your message should be delivered via a telephone conversation with the people you think may have a problem. A way to phrase it would be to tell them you are planning your wedding and that some of the guests in attendance will be same-sex couples.
Ask if this would make them uncomfortable, and if the answer is yes, do not invite them.
Of course, she could print out copies of the column and include one with every invite. That would also get the message across.
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